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The Loop Part 3

Alternate realities.

Dreams and realities.

And then an idea came to him: to try to write about his experiences, his dreams and fantasies about these dreams – dreams about different worlds, other realities. Different worlds but closely related at the same time. First, he called these worlds parallel universes, but later he decided on alternate realities that interact with each other.

Parallel universes would be susceptible to “butterfly effects” and could not closely resemble each other as his alternate realities would.

So, he started writing without much concern about the scientific value of his theories. Thinking and writing about all that weirdness helped ease the anxiety of these persistent thoughts and feelings of the unreality of the world around him, the strangeness in his life.

So, he continued to theorize about all this. He actually enjoyed trying to construct the world, the reasons that might be at play here.

He thought that this terrible accident (was it an accident?) that happened to him pushed him, showed him what might be happening...made it easier to think about life's secrets. He tried to sort out in his writing his experiences in the hospital and after, whether real or imagined...about realities and entanglement.

Different realities are somehow connected, entangled. When realities are branching out, when one makes a decision in one reality, it remains entangled so that changes in one reality affect other realities.

So why do realities interfere with each other, and not remain separate?

The universe is nothing more than information, he thought. We know that computers can run several programs simultaneously. Asian philosophers claim that the universe, everything in the universe, is just vibrations. Different frequencies result in different “planes” or forms of existence.

So maybe all these realities are just planes of slightly different frequencies?

Or maybe time itself is digital and different realities are occupying different time slots and that is why some kind of abrupt shift pushed him into another reality.

All his adult life he was trying to understand, to imagine what it is, our universe? What is “reality” and what is “illusion”? And if there is an ultimate reality - what is it?

And if all this is an illusion – what is an illusion? And does it make any difference?

He remembered the movie, Matrix, and he thought that maybe there is no city of Zion.

And then a disturbing thought. Am I the same person, is it really me, the same guy that lived before the cardiac arrest? So, if I am in another reality now, who am I?

How do I know? Or anybody else? My wife – how would she know if this person, her husband, is really him, the person she loves, the person she married and had children with?

So, this thought distracted him, led him, his thoughts to branch in different directions.

But even without the cardiac arrest, am I the same person I was 40 years ago?

Just because my name is the same? My body is totally different, every cell in my body is not the cell from a few years ago, my memories are changing and I forgot a lot from my younger years.

Are we becoming a different person constantly during our lives?

And if the answer is yes, then what difference does it makes what reality I am from?

* * * * * * *

He was enjoying the afternoon sun while sitting on the deck. Surrounded by trees, flowers of all shapes, colors and fragrances, the singing of the birds and bees buzzing. Without thinking about anything in particular, not concerned with the past or future. He felt as a part of the world, a part of these sights, smells, music of life.

His wife was doing something with flowers in the garden. She loved her garden and was proud of it. And he smiled inside – she is here, with him.

He half closed his eyes and absorbed it all, he was expanding, becoming one with this symphony of life, of reality. The play of bright patches of light and shade between the leaves, the smells and sounds – it became him.

Life was a wonderful thing. He was in the moment...enjoying it.

And that was the reality he accepted.

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  1. Because I know this author as a neighbor and a friend – and because I am a nurse – I was able to read and enjoy this composition at more than one level. I know the author to be a kind, thoughtful and very intelligent individual. As a person who experienced full cardiac arrest (no discernible heartbeat), the author speaks quite articulately about what medical staff would call, the signs, symptoms and sequelae of those who suffer cardiac arrest. From the earlier descriptions of disorientation and problems with memory, to the experience of dreams vs. wakefulness, illusion vs. reality and ultimately to the later problems of panic, anxiety, fear of falling asleep (fear of dying?), insomnia, questioning reality, these descriptions clearly point to a profound trauma. What can evoke more fear in some than the fear of dying…the ultimate separation from life as we know it? The pictures that the author paints of his psychological pain and suffering, however gruesome, are not that uncommon after cardiac arrest. They can be likened to the signs and symptoms of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), which, in time, will abate in healthier individuals. These is a process of “working through” these traumatic events that, with the help of the brain and time passing, tend to resolve over time. The author states that he took pen in hand to write down his memories and experiences and I think it is fair to say that, in doing so, this became his method for “working through” this traumatic event…and, in my opinion, written extremely well! Finally, speaking with my nurse’s cap in place, this reading could be very helpful to anyone who has the misfortune of experiencing death…and life again.

    • Thank you Susie. Appreciate your thoughtful insight. Yes in large part that is what I had experienced. But also I tried to be philosophical about it and outlined my thoughts about the reality, the universe we live in. I also suspect that some people, under extreme circumstances, can see what we cannot see under normal conditions. Maybe what is called being delusional in reality is a glimpse into something we are not supposed to see. After all we humans know very little about the universe, our reality.
      What I noticed that different people have a different understanding of what I was trying to tell. And maybe it is a good thing. Thank you again. Sincerely. Nathan.

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