Warning to the gullible Republican electorate: P.T. Barnum, in order to make room for more customers entering his museum of the exotica, cleverly posted signs reading, “This Way to the Egress." Not knowing that "Egress" was another word for "Exit,“ people followed the signs to what they assumed was a fascinating exhibit...they ended up in the street.
Bring on the clowns. The 2012 field of Republican candidates has been characterized as a gaggle of clowns. Bachmann, Perry, Cain, Insanitorium, GingRich, Paul and Romney (5/6 of his name spells MONEY) could easily have given Bozo and Emmett Kelly a run for the money on America’s Got Talent. Simply said, the Republican field is more bozo–like than Bozo. Let’s leave the clowns and check out the people who orchestrate this circus.
P.T. Barnum (1810-1891), the penultimate showman and scam artist, is oft misquoted as famously saying, “There’s a sucker born every minute,” and “Never give a sucker an even break.” Flash forward to the 21st century, and the Republican Party has its own special Barnums who have taken Barnum’s words to heart.
Please take a gander at some of the chief sponsors of the current Republican freak show:
According to Davis Logsdon, who conducted the polls for the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, “Despite his superb organization, funding, and ground game, Mitt Romney is having trouble overcoming the perception among voters that he is a ginormous dick.” Mr. Logsdon said that these obstacles “could prove fatal to his historic bid to become the nation’s first openly assholic President.” http://www.borowitzreport.com/
My take on this: Rick, Mitt and Newt-you well deserve your voters.
I would add to Mr. David Lonsdon: assholic President for assholic voters. Amen!
From Borowitz Report
Obama a Prime Suspect
DES MOINES (The Borowitz Report) – A growing number of conspiracy theorists believe that the Republican candidates who keep showing up for televised debates are impostors and that the actual GOP candidates are tied up in a warehouse somewhere.
“There’s no way that these people are the actual candidates,” said Tracy Klugian, a leading conspiracy theorist who subscribes to the warehouse theory. “The American people need to stand up and demand the return of the real ones.”
Mr. Klugian, who started the website WhereAreTheRealOnes.com, said he started suspecting “something was up” months ago when the “supposed Republican candidates started debating,” but last night’s debate in Iowa left little doubt in his mind that the actual Republican candidates have been detained elsewhere.
“When the most sensible person onstage is Ron Paul,” he said, “you know that what you’re witnessing is an elaborate hoax.”
Conspiracy theorists like Mr. Klugian leave little doubt who might be behind the conspiracy to tie up the actual candidates at some remote location: President Barack Obama.
“If you could ensure that you’d be running against Newt Gingrich or Mitt Romney, wouldn’t you?” he said. “When the truth about this conspiracy comes out, it’s going to make what happened with the aliens at Roswell look like a game of duck-duck-goose.”
Meanwhile, Mr. Klugian said he remains “baffled” by people who insist on believing that the seven people who debated last night in Iowa are the actual Republican candidates.
“There’s no way you can believe that if you actually watched the debate,” he said. “It was like a sitcom with no main characters and just wacky neighbors.”
Finally here is a plausible explanation on what happened to the Republican party. These clowns are not real republicans! How come I didn't think of it? Thanks, Andy Borowitz!
Mr. President: I demand that you and the Democratic leaders stop this conspiracy and release the real GOP candidates immediately! I am starting the petition drive to demand the end of this outrageous act by Obama.
On a more hopeful note, President Obama finally appears to have concluded that compromise is impossible when negotiating with people dedicated to one, and only one goal, his removal from office. Our President seems to be using his bully pulpit to call for the same changes that those tear gassed, clubbed and pepper-sprayed protesters have been screaming about: limiting corporate influence, regulation of our too-big-to-fail financial institutions; holding those responsible for the financial havoc their greed and misconduct caused; shifting a fair share of the tax burden to the super-wealthy; protection of our environment; protection of voting rights, ending unnecessary, unwinnable wars; and last but not least, the revitalization of a middle class that can provide the average citizen with the possibility of earning a living wage, having affordable health care and the chance to get a quality education.