Sweet Jesus, let her get her period?
What the hell is that bump on my nose? Don’t let it be cancer.
God, what do I write about today?
Thank you lord, I will write about you!
Wait a moment, I know nothing about you. I Google “God;” select “images” and up pops over 2 BILLION pictures. However, not one would qualify as acceptable identification for voter registration in Wisconsin.
I could peruse volumes of words produced by PhD’s, Doctors of Divinity, and clergy wearing all l kinds of funny hats to find out about you. But truth be told, not a single scolar would have verifiable firsthand knowledge. Many have debated and cogitated over how the concept of you developed and changed over time; you know, that Zeus to Jesus thing.
That’s it, you are a concept. And until I am convinced otherwise, you shall exist only as a concept. If I openly declare a nonprovable concept is a tangible thing, I run the risk of being classified as delusional. I have enough problems; I don’t need more tsouris.
It probably makes little difference if people believe the nonprovable. Some of my best friends and family members are delusional. Kids believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy. Many of us pray that a loved one gets better. People ask for god’s help to survive all kinds of life crises. What does it hurt? Probably little, unless, you are a parent who relies solely on god to prevent peritonitis developing from your kid’s burst appendix or you have a delusional President.
We should all have gigantic reservations about our Presidents relying on god for advice on making tactical decisions. Delusional Presidents are not a good idea.
The United States Constitution’s Sixth Amendment states, ” no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States. “ We all know this is simply bullshit. An atheist or Humanist being elected President is less likely than the Cubs winning two consecutive World Series titles. MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell recently pointed out that our media virtually never examines a candidate’s religion, but it continually demands that a candidate prove that he or she is faithful. One can believe anything as long as one is a believer.
Deist-based religions possess patently ridiculous beliefs, many of which are deleterious to modernity. Rarely do they expunge erroneous beliefs until science proves them wrong or social pressure forces them to back off.
It took The Church of Latter Day Saints 129 years before allowing African-American men to become priests in 1978. Mitt Romney was 31 at the time. Of course this is rapid compared to the Catholic Church waiting 390 years to apologize to Galileo for claiming that the Earth revolved around the Sun. Thousands of years have passed, yet the rejection of LGBT people, and inequitable treatment of women continue to be core beliefs of orthodox Judeo-Christian and Islamic religions. God evidently is pretty stubborn.
Let’s face it, unless a candidate is a raving, delusional zealot, he or she must be aware that some of the tenets of their religion are nuts. If humanity is to survive, it needs to separate its governance from lunacy. Thus:
I PROPOSE: the following brief mandatory religious test for all Candidates for President of the United States of America:
Religious Test for the Presidency
Judaism: “You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against your kinsfolk. Love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD.“
Christianity: “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them”
Islam: “…and you should forgive and overlook: Do you not like God to forgive you? And Allah is The Merciful Forgiving.”
Mormonism :”whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them, for this is the law and the prophets”
Question 1: Do you, as candidate for President of the United States of America, believe in the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”? “(Note: you may refer to any or all of the above religious writings for guidance).
Yes ____ No _____ It depends on who the you is ____
If you answered “No” to the above question your test is complete and god help us all if you’re elected
Question 2: In your own words, list three specific beliefs or tenets of your religion that violate your religion’s “Golden Rule” (Hint: treatment of women, homophobia, revenge, death penalty etc)
Extra Credit: In your own words, list or describe two beliefs held by your religion which modern science has credibly shown to be incorrect. (Hint: Genesis)
If you answered the above questions truthfully, you may be our first honest President. Regrettably, you should know that you are now unelectable.